What happened next

I had a termination.

I had a termination to give myself the best chance of overcoming cancer, for the sake of my family. But it was one of the hardest, most distressing and painful decisions that I have ever had to make.

It has brought back many, many difficult emotions and memories of the death of my son nine years ago. This is another, extraordinarily painful, loss. The pain may not last as long this time, but it is as excruciating.

I have been grief-stricken, and tormented by guilt and “what ifs” about the decision I took, even though the sane and rational part of me knows I didn’t have much of a choice and that I made it for sound reasons.  

Some people have said it was a brave and selfless thing to do; right now it doesn’t seem like that.

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