A terrible decision to have to make

So my (I really do not want it to be “my”) cancer has not spread, but I will need more surgery to ensure there’s a sufficient margin of healthy tissue around the tumour that was removed. And I need radiotherapy and Tamoxifen (the side effects of which appear to be all the symptoms of the menopause – I can’t wait).

Now time has run out and I have to make a decision about whether or not to continue my pregnancy. I have spent the last two weeks thinking of little else, and it has been an appalling time. For health-related reasons I have decided to have a termination. But the thought of it distresses me hugely.

I have talked about what to do endlessly and believe I have considered it from every possible angle; I am exhausted by it. I had hoped that by now I would feel in my gut what the right decision was, but I don’t, so I am making a decision based  on what I believe to be for the greater good, what seems fairest all round, and what is, rationally speaking, perhaps the most sensible decision.

Two people whose opinions matter have said they believe it to be the “right” decision, but is it? From whose point of view? And can there be a “right” decision in a situation like this, or is it just the least wrong?

My GP said that whatever I decided it would be all right in the end. She is probably correct – I have to believe she is, though at present I cannot see it.

What a terrible situation to be in, and what a terrible decision to have to make.


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